problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
