I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
