DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
