woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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