Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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