all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
