24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im holly from the hills drunk
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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