After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
