Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
