Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
