Is it normal to miss your booty call?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
