Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
