Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
