When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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