Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
