matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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