Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
