Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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