My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
