I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
