Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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