Soap is not a condiment
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
