dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
