He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
