i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
