it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
