Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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