I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
