kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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