i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
