i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
