It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
