I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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