do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
