He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
