You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
