I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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