if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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