hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
