no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
