we made out on top of his cat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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