No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
