Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
