If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
