I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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