His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
