ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
