im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he shaved USA in his pubs
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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