We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
