Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
