I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
