Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
