I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
