I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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