His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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